Do you want to be happy? I always ask myself that question everytime i wake up in the morning.

Surprisingly, I can’t seem to know what to answer. Foolishly, it’s (the answer) just a choice between “yes” or “no”. Or maybe its not as foolish as I thought, for I know after the choice, it would mean that I have to answer the succeeding questions.

What is happiness? How do you become happy? Yes, more questions. More and more as it becomes vague and even paradoxical when you answer them.

Yet almost all people seem to direct every aspect of their lives reaching to have this so called happiness, when there seems no definitive point to direct or even just to directly position ourselves.

Or one position, for me, possibly, either you are caught up with religious beliefs or moral standards, Happiness could always stands for doing what is right. A context that seems to interfere, cause confusion and struggle to a person. Or am I just thinking too much?

In contrast to that, now, how can doing what you want instead of doing what is right does not stand for happiness? Is it because it goes against religious beliefs and morals standards of the world?Yet, having this contentions to back you up, do you know how to be happy already?

For selfishness has never been a justification, we have been molded our entire life by these standards to have such consciousness to adhere other beings needs more than ours.

Does that what I want? If I can answer that will I know what happiness is?

Happiness is then after all a choice and actually its no matter what choice. Its a matter of choice and standing by it. Sometimes, we don’t know what happiness is because we are afraid to make a choice. Human nature is always afraid of the unknown. Happiness is in the unknown until that choice and becomes much more unknown for people who are broken, lost and hurt.

Live Boldly… Will, asking Emilia Clark in a letter after he moved on from his earthly life….As famously remembered from the book and movie “ Me Before You”.

I have just came back from my solo travel though intending to have an “eat, pray … love” vacation, I knew one week would not be enough. Yet… I’m thankful for my going sabbatical even for a moment. I may have not accomplish my goal but I guess I came back… wanting to live boldly.

It has been a while … Believe me, it has been a while… To be doing something you always thought you love doing…When you realized that you have reached this point in your life, where you could not even draw enough energy to do even the things you love. Its an unbearable realization…

I love to write.. I always have something to write …from unimaginable love stories to unsent love letters…

To be able to pen down my feelings now is actually a challenge. To acknowledge my very own feelings that I myself have been neglecting for the longest time.

I bought this golden pen and journal while I was traveling alone.I felt quite lost literally most of those times… counting only on my gut to choose which direction to go while I was strolling on unfamiliar streets. It was a beautiful place. I got addicted to getting lost in that city. It somehow brought me to corners and simple pavements with blowing branches … blooming flowers.To be walking on circles in a park… literally again…

My friend, who took me to the bus station,though I knew, she was worried at that time… said “just ask for direction and you wont get lost”…Which I did many times (thank you Mr Google)… surely , I knew she did not mean it that way. I know she meant for me to get lost and learn to talk to people… to be brave…

I hugged her back and she knew that I was telling her that I will find my way, I will figure it out…

And yet … Yes! There I was lost as ever..but wasnt that alarmed.. I was lost already long before … only I was out of the comforts of my family… friends… home. I was by myself…sitting next to a stranger in a bus… having table for one in-front of many tables taken by friends catching up with each other… by families sharing a simple meal… by lovebirds who cant seem to stop staring at each other.

I was by myself.I did felt heavy in the inside.. but never did I felt sorry for being alone during those times… It was liberating. It was the first time I allowed myself to feel whatever I was meant to feel… I felt scared. I have been wanting to feel scared, Scared that I wasnt living the life that I wanted. I have been afraid of a lot of things that were meaningless …Rejection…Acceptance… even stability.

It made me a coward, a pushover but now, I was afraid for the right reason.

I may not have all the time she had and money more so Bali but still I ate alot…I think I prayed a little…loved?… Maybe A bit of Self love… Its a work in progress..

I don’t want to put a rainbow over this… But I know I will get there …

I’ll just have to ask…

For direction…

“Just ask!”

Sitting on a cafe , just a few floors from my hotel room… Last night after I arrived in the city and took a short nap, I decided to get dinner. I grabbed a bite in a near fast food resto, had I known this cafe existed , I would have gone here instead.

The place is good , fronting Burham Park and most of all the food price is cheap. Crazy sometimes things or places in life seem very hidden to you but the funny truth is , cafe such as this one is just right up under our noses.

It pays to walk. I actually walked a kilometer to get here since I didn’t know that this place is just below my hotel room. What I am trying to say is that just like in life, to get the best out of it, you must be open, curious or simply just learn how to ask . I could have asked.

Beautiful things or places aren’t always elusive. Its just us, we like to go into the unknown first or we just think that the good stuff are always hard to find, but actually its not. It has always just been there lying in the corner. The only question is , have you done your best to search, or to be open? Or just simply …. Ask.